Unpublished Diary page of a Home-maker - 6 (Beyond blue)

   Beyond blue 

‘I love pink💓’...it’s my natural choice ....unbiased and without any inhibitions. Colors undoubtedly rule our psyche. They depict our persona. Many theories have been propagated and thousands of psychological tests doing the rounds at Facebook and at many more similar sites. Western culture taught us blue for boys and pink for girls...I failed to understand why? The other day, I went shopping with my elder son, he preferred to buy shirts in solid colors dominating red, crimson, and pink. We are so used to dressing our sons in a combination of blue check shirts with grey trousers and white shirts and blue denim that our brain doesn’t accept shades of red. Again it’s the attitude culture and our upbringing which naturally choose our imbibed habits.  

Being a student of anthropology  I was always fascinated by the matriarchal culture. My dissertation on ‘Kinship’ further increased my curiosity to know the complexities of interpersonal relationships in families, whether they are nuclear, joint, or extended. Since my father belonged to the village and Grandpa still resided there,  I got a first-hand insight into the prevailing culture in my extended family. Women were definitely the suppressed lot. They were more so carrier of the traditions taught by their mothers. ‘Opinion’ was the deleted word in their dictionary. World over very few tribes still follows matriarchy. To my delight, some of the prominent tribes tracing the lineage from the female line still exist, like,  ‘Asante’ of Ghana in West Africa, Khasi of Meghalaya, Garo residing in several parts of north-eastern India, and traditional Nayyar in Kerala. At least we can compare the two cultures, patriarchy and matriarchy, and adopt whichever is the best in the prevailing times. I am fine with the male prominence in the family but certainly, equal say of both genders is required for women's empowerment and upliftment. 

Anthropologist Morgan’s kinship theory was replaced by A.R. Radcliffe- Browns theory, which viewed social structures such as institutions, relationships, and norms in terms of their roles in the functioning and continuance of society. They were puzzled by the position of men in matrilineal societies. 

My dilemma was also similar. As soon as I got married near and dear ones started asking me to share the good news if any. My transformation from a girl to a daughter-in-law was still in an infancy phase and here I have been asked to prepare myself to become a mother as if jumped straight from larva stage to grown-up butterfly. It’s not easy to adopt new patriarchy. Even the employee gets the orientation when joins the new company and he too takes few months to accept the new governance, and here I had to assimilate myself into a totally new culture in a blink. But thanks to him and my mom, I could adjust to the new environment. And I was eager to take the new role bang on. 

Mumma, mommy, Maa are some of the synonyms which echoed in our ears to fill our life with eternal beauty and transforms us into the world of affection, warmth, tenderness, devotion as well as intimacy. When my doctor told me that for the next 9 months I have to be extra careful since my body has transformed into an expectant mother, my life was filled with ethereal feelings. I had fallen in love with myself. The journey was a little turbulent for the first time as the experience was absolutely novel. Although physically was ready to accept the changes but emotionally had to face the hormonal changes with great difficulty. I was like a dormant volcano, getting erupted with a bit of inner disturbance and tears flowing down like hot lava. Everyone was concerned about the morning sickness but none of them asked about my inner anxieties, the battle with which we expectant, fight alone. 

As I crossed the 1st trimester my face radiated the glow and I caught everyone’s attention, this was like magic. I heartily appreciated God’s creativity🙏. I think this was the only period where I was in sync with my progeny (still in the state of the fetus), our heartbeats were beating together. None of the granny, aunty, midwives need the support of ultrasound reports to predict the gender which we carry in our womb for 9 months. They have their own ways and so I was told that probably I m going to have a daughter. Elated to hear the probability,  I surrounded myself with the color pink. As we say ‘sawan ke andhe Ko sab Taraf hara  hi hara dikhta hai’ ....I was in a similar situation. Every item on my shopping list had traces of pink in it. Right from the curtains to the bedsheets. 

Accidentally my water bag carrying my unborn burst prematurely, and an emergency cesarean section was administered to get the delivery done as there was a risk of losing the baby and my life was also in danger. When I saw my bundle of joy wrapped in white cotton lying in the tray, melted my heart, and wanted to reach out to hold her in my arms even in my semiconscious state. But due to her premature birth, she could survive only for few hours. And I was counseled continuously that it’s better to have a child with proper growth rather than having the underdeveloped one. None of the reasoning soothes the heart because we have a brain to think which directs us to fulfill our desires. Slowly I accepted destiny’s decision. And immersed me into the new pink...

By God’s grace, I am a mother of two wonderful cultured boys. You all must be wondering, ‘blue’ dominates my household. No, it’s not the reality, we all are ‘Mauvish’. It’s a mix of blue and pink,  perfectly blended. I can smell the aroma of freedom to voice our opinion in a harmonious and respectable environment irrespective of gender. 💕