Unpublished Diary page of a woman-what is the true meaning of independence?

What is independence?

Please explain, for humanity's sake, what is the exact definition of independence? 

The other day I was chatting with my son, who is pursuing post-graduation from a European university, and asked him about the current  COVID situation there ..to my complete disbelief he retorted with utmost helplessness, “Maa here people are so arrogant that they find wearing masks derogatory as if they have been robbed of their independence. And also find it demeaning to take necessary precautions as it may invade their independence. Due to this government is forced to put a curfew since the COVID spread is going out of hand and the virus is spreading like wildfire”. 

‘Whattttt?’

I was shocked to hear this and later complimented our government and most importantly our Indian citizens for taking the COVID warnings seriously and effectively. Which saved us from causing havoc in our densely populated country. 

I always thought that the west is more literate and educated so their sense of understanding is better than ours but it all turned out to be a myth. 

Here I remembered our very old story of rabbit and tortoise. We Indians are very well inching towards the developed nation in small baby steps although it’s tough to carry for it’s not too long before we will be declared a powerful developed nation. 

But let’s ponder on other aspects of independence. Our primary family Unit is our strength, and I think we unanimously agree on this. And without its support, it’s not easy to grow further. But still, we aspire to live alone and term it as independent. When we live in an extended setup don’t you think it’s so much more fulfilling and relaxing? 

When I was young, always eagerly look forward to visiting my maternal /paternal aunts/uncles. Normally visits were not frequent and it was a yearly affair. The moment we use to climb those narrow steep stairs greeted by warm chachis and hugged by a couple of inches taller cousins and cute additions of the family in a cradle or in lap, cuddled, giving a warm invitation to hold them, instead of crying incessantly as if they are being kidnapped. Nothing of that sort happened and any stranger was easily assimilated into the joint family. On every floor of the multi-story house which was situated in narrow by-lanes of an old town brimming with life even in the middle of the night. 

In today’s time, we stay in a nuclear family in an independent house, but in those days one big house has a single room allotted for one family and later when an extension was beyond adjustments, cousins shared rooms and helped mutually in studies. No outside counsellors were required for teen-related issues rather they get in-house counselling from the chachas, chachis, and didi bhaiya. Celebration for the smallest reason abounded and extolled the virtues of our great-grandparents as an ideal to follow through in life. Life was less complicated. It has its own negatives but much less than positives. It was easy to learn social skills in a joint family setup as it started right from birth. Not unlike the present times when we need to take classes for mingling with our peer groups. 

So in the joint family system never ever the issue of individual privacy was raised. But we now need a separate room, tv, toilet, and whatnot but still, we need counselling for our mental well-being. Think and realize the importance of our near and dear ones who are a gift of God to us. We should accept that a relative cannot be chosen but we can misuse them with their happy consent. 

The twenty-first century is addicted to one more type of independence,i.e., relationship independence. Sometimes it’s a curse to our democracy as we tend to abuse the sacred ties of marital chords. Is there any substitute for the institution of marriage other than the legal one? Just sit and think about it. Single parenting, convenient surrogacy, live-ins, divorce on trivial issues, choosing to stay a bachelor just to avoid little compromises and addiction to the virtual world are gradually sucking society’s essence and this change may lead to disastrous results. Please give a thought to this. As I am a staunch supporter of the long-established institutions of family, marriage, and kinship which for me and for many of us, still are the iron pillars of our existing society!!!!

I want to shout in exasperation from the rooftop to the flag bearers of independence and urge them, that little dependence is not a sign of weakness but sometimes it strengthens the relationship. On this day International Women’s Day, I want to give a perfect example of this in the form of ‘WOMAN’, who looks meek, sometimes easy to convince, sacrifices her wishes and is ready to share her share but still stands tall in front of the man in the patriarchal setup raising her kids and giving back the society an educated cultured future generation to carry forward the legacy.....KUDOS !!!!!

The theme of 2021 IWD is Let’s all choose to challenge. “We can all choose to challenge and call out gender bias and inequality. We can all choose to seek out and celebrate women’s achievements. Collectively, we can all help create an inclusive world. From challenge comes change, so let’s all choose to challenge,”

So let’s address one more challenge which is to stop abusing our ‘independence’. Use it to build a progressive society. We need freedom but not at the cost of relationships. Happy women’s day to all of us ..it’s beyond caste creed status religion and above all gender. Man, please participate in the celebration of womanhood...we need your support equally. 💜💚🤍